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At REACH ADHD, we believe in empowering families by focusing on their strengths and fostering growth and resilience. Our approach is compassionate and supportive, helping every family member thrive. Today, we’re sharing practical advice inspired by Dr. Ross Green’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model to help you guide your children in managing their device usage.
Parenthood Mindset Shift
A key principle in effective parenting is shifting your mindset from “Kids do well if they want to” to “Kids do well if they can.” When children struggle, it’s often due to unsolved problems and lagging skills, not a lack of motivation or manipulation. Dr. Ross Green's CPS model helps families identify these challenges and work together to solve them, enhancing skills and improving behaviours.
The CPS Model: 3 Steps to Success
The Empathy Step
Ask and Understand: Begin by understanding where your child's behaviour is coming from. Ask probing questions and practice reflective listening to mirror what your child says. This helps in developing a deeper understanding of the underlying issues.
Define the Adult Concern
Express Your Concerns: Clearly explain how the unsolved problem is affecting the child, yourself, or others. This step involves sharing your perspective and how the behaviour impacts broader goals and responsibilities.
The Invitation
Collaborate on Solutions: Work together with your child to find a realistic solution that addresses both your concerns and theirs. Ensure the solution is something both parties can agree to and follow through with.
Practical Example: Managing Video Game Time
Let’s see how these steps work in action with a common issue: managing video game time.
Step 1: The Empathy Step
Parent: “I’ve noticed you’re having difficulty getting off the video game after the 90-minute time limit. What’s going on?”
Through asking questions and listening, the parent discovers that the child doesn’t want to leave the game because he doesn’t want to abandon his friends mid-game.
Step 2: Define the Adult Concern
Parent: “My concern is that if you don’t get off the video game, you’ll have less time to do your homework. You’re already having trouble completing it, and I know you have big aspirations. I want to make sure your grades align with your goals.”
Step 3: The Invitation
Parent: “I wonder if there’s a way to make sure you’re not being rude to your friends by leaving the game early and also ensure you have enough time for homework. Do you have any ideas?”
The child might suggest starting the game earlier and agreeing not to start a new game close to the time limit.
Key Takeaway for Parents
Remember, the goal is to understand the root causes of your child’s behaviour and work together on practical solutions. This approach not only resolves immediate issues but also strengthens your child's problem-solving skills and fosters a supportive family environment. By focusing on collaboration and empathy, you create a space where your child feels valued and empowered to thrive.
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